'Don't Tell The Bride' About The Bridesmaids

Now I'm about to commit an awful crime, so go easy on me here. Like everyone else I have a dirty secret television viewing pleasure. I would love people to believe it was something as mentally stimulating as watching 'Wonders of Life' to drool over Brian Cox, like every other woman I know (at least there's a chance of intelligence facts seeping in).

My secret pleasure is so much worse, akin to eating raw sugar rather than a sugar styled treat, and far more soppy and emotionally needy than I should be comfortable admitting. Don't Tell The Bride. There I said it. Forever committed to the endless memory that is the internet, and the humiliation of any who follow me.

To be perfectly clear I'm referring to the TV show where a loving couple are gifted £12,000 to plan a wedding, on the proviso that there is no contact and it is all planned untraditionally by the future groom. BBC Three do a fine job of securing controlling brides to bemoan, scream and endless cry about their misfortune. Whilst grooms are often feckless drunk wonders prone to selfish thoughts about what their wedding should be. A role reversal show which runs emotionally high due to expert cropping of scenes and almost choreographed conversations. Complete garbage, but so very watch-able.

Now people that know me, would never find my level of self deprecating sarcasm a normal match for this 'housewife' viewing. Yet I have shouted at the TV more than once (every episode) and even been brought to tears by the future husband knowing his partner better than she knows her irrationally moody self. Aw heck! I'm a real girl somewhere inside my cold, mean heart.

For those that are still reading (sorry!) I have to put this in some context. What actually caused to post this was Chris and Corrine's wedding (Series 6 Episode 7).

"27-year-old eccentric big kid Chris is planning to make a bold statement with his wedding ideas for sensible 23-year-old bride-to-be, Corrine. He is determined to pull off a real life fairytale spectacular to prove how much the mother of his children means to him, but she is more concerned with the practicalities of being eight months pregnant on her wedding day. Crazy Chris has a head full of wild ideas, but without Corrine's grounding influence will his delirious daydream turn into a neverland nightmare?"

As usual the groom wants something dramatic and the future wife is organised and sensible. So when I cosied up with a cuppa and a pile of chocolate, I expected the normal fair of tears and tantrums. The crazed in-laws are the best to watch, if a woman is meant to grow into her mother some of these grooms should have fled the divas while they could. This time though, I was angered by the 'bridesmaids' yes the brides nearest and dearest. The women meant to brush off nerves, her friends and support system on the day of a wedding. 

In my honest option these women need to be traded in for real friends not some attention seeking TV diva wannabes. The bride, Corrine appears to believe in her life partner, with sweeping statements such as 'there will be method in his madness' and you just have to have faith in him'. The bridesmaids ringleader plainly dislikes Chris.

When the ladies are taken to see their dresses, traditional chosen for them they claim the brides disgust to force the issue of their own choice. Claiming that a similar scarf worn differently on each of them will make the outfits individual.

The end result away from the grooms eyes: not a scarf in sight, and some awful St. Trinians style socks. The reasoning? Who in hell knows, perhaps 'fashion', certainly they look absurd enough. The icing on the cake is when they then say that they hate the dresses. "But YOU chose them!!". My neighbours must think I'm insane by now surely.

I did love that in the aftermath of the ceremony going perfectly they all rushed to the TV camera to apologise to him for not having faith. All except the most bitter one, who is either recently post break-up or never had a relationship in her life. These are the only reasons (apart from base jealousy) I can come up with for not understanding that trust is a fairly essential part of a relationship about to enter into marriage.

Gosh who would have thought innocent me would have such strong opinions on such fluffy viewing. Whiny, anger inducing, temper tantrums to the side, when's the next one on again?