Standing there, looking down at the distant ground, I could feel gravity calling.
My unattended cigarette a tiny beacon fighting with the streetlights for recognition.
The high strung emotions that warred in my head seconds previous dissipated.
Nothing seemed of consequence, apart from the inexorable grip of emptiness.
The background noise eroded beneath the grip of something greater than life.
In that moment I considered.
I considered the fall into the welcoming dark.
I considered the rush of air as I fell with the rain.
I considered leaving everything behind.
The notion both dizzying and exhilarating, soothed and calmed.
Such a small height wouldn't meet the needs.
Thoughts of broken but functioning form for others to toil over.
Thoughts of the distress to those living and witnessing.
Thoughts of the freedom fading away.
Sounds of life returning to my ears filling me with hope.
The rain becoming louder and life becoming clearer.
My cigarette extinguished by time and the dark of my thoughts.
Life anew;
The moment leaves a residue remembered in peril and anguish.
A single thought warring with reality and jarring with life.
A dirty secret forever smiled over and hidden.
But never left or forgiven.
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