The Lies of Secret Keepers

The phrase 'can you keep a secret' is abused from playground age until it turns into a ridiculous form of grandstanding. They are really asking if it is okay to use you as a sounding board to justify their choices or opinions. I'm sure we've all heard a 'secret' rumour or been confided in over a matter of questionable choice. Surely by confiding in another, the person in question is actually saying that they can't be trusted to keep their own silence.


My own trust issues have little bearing on the fact that when I am told something by someone and my own silence is requested I hence forth loose all trust in that person. I am perhaps too plain spoken to deal with those who can not keep their own council. I see no point in curtain twitching or stirring up rumours behind others backs. Surely the most common sense way is merely to ask out right. Liars are simple to spot, especially if you are willing to assume that those who have lied before are liable to do so again.

I have always been a fan of the secrets where you are allowed to tell no-one, but the initial informer is allowed to pass the information around like sweets at Halloween. Or to abruptly discover that the secret place you made a pact to keep just for you, is now shared with others.

Ignoring it completely is the best way I have found to deal with the question and indeed the potential fall-out. Tell them that, in fact you can not keep a secret and if that doesn't deter them suggest you will be obliged to tell the victim of the secret.

Be honest with them and yourself. If they are using you as a sounding board give them your opinion, don't just nod and agree if you feel strongly otherwise. Plain spoken truth is often enough to prevent future heartache and confidences.

Grow strength in the knowledge that a secret place has likely already been discovered in the past and will no doubt be claimed again in the future by others. Enjoy the illicit thrill while it lasts, and move on without regret when it passes.

Secrets can be beautiful things, a moment of bonding between friends, but too often they tarnish your view of the world with bitterness and jealousy. In the end, you have to remember that not everyone respects other peoples choices. Always put your self in the other position, how hurtful it can be when those close to you choose to whisper your secrets.